Three words that can change your life ... and it sure as hell isn't "I Love You!"

Would you like to guess what those three words are or would you like me to paint a picture?

Well, here's a picture of it. This is Kris holding our new nephew, Ethan Orion, just before Christmas. He was born on Dec. 21 - the same day Kris told me that she was pregnant!

She's about six to eight weeks in and feeling horrible with morning sickness. I've been dealing with abstract sickness since Dec. 21, since I really can't believe that we're going to have a baby. It isn't that I'm not happy, because when I really think about it, yes, I am. It is just that there's a good part of me that is saying, "I'll believe it when I see it."

In other words, I'll be looking forward to the first sonogram, er... polygraph, er... photograph, whatever the fuck they call those things. When I see it, then I'll begin to really feel the rush... of fear that I'm told is natural for all first-time fathers. You know, the need to paint, redecorate and completely baby-proof the house. And the knowledge that you're life is over.

Really. I wanted to cover the San Francisco Giants through a full season, traveling to the games and taking in the sights and the sounds of baseball for six months straight. Nope, can't do that. I've always wanted to a lot of things, most of them you can't do when you have a family. Married without kids, maybe. But now we have a new potential bouncing baby coming and hey, my life is over.

Yeah, melodrama from me... really. Hey, I'm branching out. Sarcasm, cynicism, anger, apathy, now melodrama. I'm set to be a father now... Whoo hoo...

This is Ethan, eyes wide open and with the knowledge that everything is new and nice. Well, I think that is what his knowledge of the world is. It just may be, "Feed me... I'm hungry and why am I here!" but I don't remember what it was like to be just 48 hours old, which is what he was when I took this picture.

Most of the comments that I've received so far from everyone has been positive, although the overloading of "Get over it and deal with it..." got to be a bit much. Well, I can develop my own callous, sarcastic father shell that I now see on a lot of men now all by myself, thanks.

Just imagine this. I'm beginning to listen to Monty Python songs in my car, because when he/she comes out, the first songs it'll learn won't be Barney, The Wiggles or Baby Einstein, dude...

This is Andi and Becca, two of my first nieces and two very wild, smart and potentially influential girls from my best friends, Ann and Rich. And if I need a good reality break, one that snaps me back into reality, Ann is the one to do that. And they're the first non-family influence that I can relate to and draw experience from.

Of course, I have my parents and relatives to look up to as parential guides, but it is nice to see some positive outside sources as well. Ann and Rich have been that. Yeah, now that's a standard that may be too high to reach, because both of them are way smarter than I am and I'm just a sports writer. But it could be worse. I could have had a friend like Scott Peterson to show me the way to proper parenting... "No, Kris, really. A fishing trip is good for pregnancy... Trust me..." (That's a joke, just in case anyone is trying to build a case against me...)

You're probably wondering how Kris is dealing with all of this. One soda cracker at a time, that's what. "How are you doing," I ask. "I feel like shit..." has been her common answer. Then, after a bowl of pasta with chicken, she feels better. Her breasts hurt, her stomach hurts, everything hurts. We both know that the real shit comes later. So, we're enjoying the quiet times now...

She's happy, in between the bouts of nausea, and is looking forward to everything. And I'm just following her. Which means I'm happy, too.

This is my folks' bird, Tika, which is a load to bear for my folks. She's completely attached to my dad and loudly sqwaks when he leaves the room. Yeah, Tika is technically my youngest sister, because she's more work than a child, according to my mom.

I get to see Tika about once every two years and after a week, she begins to warm up to me and I have to leave. Well, that was shorter than it was to get Kris to warm up to me when we first met, so...

Now I'll leave you with a shot of my brother John's pug, Gritty... He's John's first boy and is a really dependent cutie. His favorite trick is to come up to you and he'll take his butt and grind it into your legs when you're on the couch. I'll post a picture of that later... maybe.

Later...

(c) R. Burns